death to all computer liar thingys

I got stubborn with trying to install Diablo today. It says specifically that it is Mac compatible on the package but gets messier as you go along. I've been wild goose chasing all over the internet tonight. I am glad that my internet isn't down, I thought it was earlier.

So much for using the basic system requirements or above... I open the installer, and my computer tries to use a lite program called Classic. Classic is supposed to be used for OS version conflicts so you can still run the old programs they threw out. It all looks like they threw even the baby out with the bathwater after OS 9.

It's not set up properly, you have to have OS 9 handy to use Classic right. It notifies me when I click on the installer that there is no OS 9 system folder and asks for OS 9 to be installed. I went online to try and configure Classic and get an OS 9 reference for it. Couldn't find anything at apples website for the download. My $70 Apple support doesn't cover version conflicts. The forums say it's not even an extension, I have to download an installation copy of OS 9. Even better the link that it gives me to download is now expired. How consistent of you Apple, no really thank you.

I could get over it but then the mac read me says: " Diablo has a minimum requirement of System 7.5.5 or greater. Due to improvements in Apple’s System software, Diablo will perform best with System 7.6 and better. "


will perform best with System 7.6 and better..?!?!?!?!! Ahem? OSX 10.4.2 isn't going to be better?

Grrr...

I'm glad I looked at the Diablo mac support link again. I completely missed that it asked for users using Mac OSX need to email them specifically.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this, because if you say you're mac compatible, you'd better be mac compatible. What is frustrating is that Diablo II works and has a separate install for OSX. So Diablo II can work but not Diablo I? One comes before two! *sniffle sniffle*

yeah...

I had the weirdest dream about soul snaring circus leaders telling the newly dead to eat their old friends.... Moral of the story: don't go to the post office.

I miss the working the bakery already. It felt so good to work back there, keeping busy, in a lesser supervisored area. I loved doing something so straightforward and productive. Great for a temp position...Now I'm being shuffled off to the cafe, and so far haven't left the best impression as an employee.

My little sister and her friend are begging for the computer (PlleAssee!!! We need to talk to BOYS!).

Ha. I posted however simple.

do compare.

iMac G5:



Wii:



Now:







Logos anyone?

Bastages

The damndest longest online error I've ever run into.

stack trace of outer exception:
com.rsa.csf.clientservice.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceBean.throwRightException(Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.Exception;)V(Unknown Source)
com.rsa.csf.clientservice.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceBean.startSso(Lcom.rsa.csf.common.util.FimServletContext;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;)Lcom.rsa.csf.techservice.saml.common.AssertingPartySsoResult;(Unknown Source)
com.rsa.csf.clientservice.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceBean.startSamlAssertingPartySso(Lcom.rsa.csf.common.util.FimServletContext;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;)Lcom.rsa.csf.techservice.saml.common.AssertingPartySsoResult;(Unknown Source)
com.rsa.csf.clientservice.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceBean_cc8hya_EOImpl.startSamlAssertingPartySso(Lcom.rsa.csf.common.util.FimServletContext;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;)Lcom.rsa.csf.techservice.saml.common.AssertingPartySsoResult;(SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceBean_cc8hya_EOImpl.java:158)
com.rsa.csf.clientservice.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServiceProxyClient.startSamlAssertingPartySso(Lcom.rsa.csf.common.util.FimServletContext;Ljava.lang.String;Ljava.lang.String;)Lcom.rsa.csf.techservice.saml.common.AssertingPartySsoResult;(Unknown Source)
com.rsa.csf.application.saml.SamlSsoAssertingPartyServlet.doGe
ogic.servlet.internal.ServletStubImpl$ServletInvocationAction.run()Ljava.lang.Object;(ServletStubImpl.java:971)
weblogic.servlet.internal.ServletStubImpl.invokeServlet(Ljavax.servlet.ServletRequest;Ljavax.servlet.ServletResponse;Lweblogic.servlet.internal.FilterChainImpl;)V(ServletStubImpl.java:402)
weblogic.servlet.internal.ServletStubImpl.invokeServlet(Ljavax.servlet.ServletRequest;Ljavax.servlet.ServletResponse;)V(ServletStubImpl.java:305)
weblogic.servlet.internal.WebAppServletContext$ServletInvocationAction.run()Ljava.lang.Object;(WebAppServletContext.java:6350)
weblogic.security.acl.internal.AuthenticatedSubject.doAs(Lweblogic.security.subject.AbstractSubject;Ljava.security.PrivilegedAction;)Ljava.lang.Object;(Optimized Method)
weblogic.security.service.SecurityManager.runAs(Lweblogic.security.acl.internal.AuthenticatedSubject;Lweblogic.security.acl.internal.AuthenticatedSubject;Ljava.security.PrivilegedAction;)Ljava.lang.Object;(SecurityManager.java:118)
weblogic.servlet.internal.WebAppServletContext.invokeServlet(L

It's longer than that.

I hate walmart inc:

This site is best displayed in Internet Explorer.

If you are using Netscape, Opera, Firefox, or any other Mozilla based browser, this site may not display or function as intended.

To get the latest version of Internet Explorer, which is provided at no charge, click here.

To attempt to continue using your current browser, click here.

Lets go fix my w2 at work now that you don't support my forsaken brower accurately.

Now that I'm working at Sam's Club theres one thing I have to say. I gratefully thought that I left drawn out pretentious cheers behind at girls camp isolation functions and high school sports. I couldn't be more off, when your overly dignified manager starts clapping her hands and whooping it gets ------ scary.

There are pictures of Sam Walton slapped everywhere in employee territories,I'd love to know whoever it is that indulges these photo ops and enshrines this guy everywhere I turn. Could be Sammy Walton himself. It starts reminding me of how L. Ron Hubbard is glorifed, sickly posted everywhere and immortalized in nearly every function...

That's it I'm in a retail bulk supplying cult, it's all over. they'll find me in a couple years and enslave my first born with Internet Explorer and require the performing of dark rituals in the name of their beloved buisness Seer, Father Walton.

but your head hurts...

Ghostwriter has been iming me all evening. Proteus, my all in one mac im client is acting up. What happens is I click on the proteus when it says 2 new messages and nothing, just an open screen from unknown. I don't think it's a hack, most likely a program corruption.

I love the new mac commericals, always makes me snicker. I worry that mac may be on the upswing though. Hey, if we're not in the minority and get more mainstream, I need to get myself some virus protection. Crap. The arrogance in the commercials is going to make some nerd spaz out and start throwing wrenches. I know it's already pissing another off to at least threaten to hack. lol. I'll bet Vernon will be on it first.

Heres a thought for you, maybe you're doctor isn't as impartial when you turn your head and cough as you'd like to think. The 'proffesionals' on E.R., Grey's Anatomy, and Scrubs have all sorts of shady backgrounds and kinky needs. So next time, worry, they are hoarding your urine after all processing.
* * *

I miss how everything was last year. I can't believe how well my life fitted. I was kept as busy as a demon, the creative process came so natural. In everything I did I never skipped a beat. Even dull things seemed lively. I mixed up everything I came across, was more daring. I felt most myself. It all happened semi- accidentally, a few elements just tangled up together to make that a good time for me. I feel the difference now, nearly every situation I'm in does the opposite. I feel I'm not aligned as much with what is natural for me, like being off center and doubt spinning all around. I said I wasn't going to be much fun.

I've been grabbing the saddest songs in the world.

I know I'm trying to swing back up from being slammed out of my first place. I never thought I'd be back living in my parents place, school was supposed to be a steady and attainable stream, I thought a lot of things.

--And more from where that came from. How much do I have left to say? To post what I've been thinking would be like tying whoever you are to the back of a pickup and draging down dark country roads for miles. I know what's needed, I'm just a little scared.

someones day went alittle better because I asked one small question. that's something to think about.

"so i ran faster"

Don't play with superglue wearing p.j.s. You're not ready for the chemical reaction. It dried, got really hot on the surface, and smelled like burning.

Sleep would probably be the best course, but then again, it's not quite night to me, it's day. I'll be glad when I can land a job with a stable morning schedule. I feel like it's slowly conjuring my old hermit like state where I don't leave much or see many people at a time. While I think about my friends and aquaintences everyday, I can't find the scheduling or the will to plan out anything.

I need to do something out there, crazy, irrational. I'm slipping into a chaotic routine, making work the epicenter of my day. Something completely out there.... just before I start getting molded by it.

Sometimes I think of things that just loses me. I only know how to stay central, I don't know how to be viewed in certain lights. I'm all too aware of how I come off to people nowadays, occupied, overthinking, slightly nervous. Whether it's the game, the proving at work, or anything inbetween it all. So Whit, what do you say, nothing, or do you even know how?

In the mean time, there's comfort in both the new and old. I think I like Christmas music, makes me feel little and sleepy. And inbetween dreaming and daydreaming, maybe there is a little more freedom out there.

this little blue world upside down

All I really want to do is sit around. And stare off.

And pretend I have something interesting to post about, just as long as I don't have to try and sell you anything. I'm just really glad to be off work. I wonder how long I'm going to last there.

I want to find a new and really sad song. Just kind of one of those moments. Sleep usually makes me happier.

About that.

after a while

I think I know what would be worst about being a nurse treating the many wounded. It wouldn't be the excessive gore, the pained faces, or the pressure that all these people need you. It would be the sounds they make; the groans under their breath, the high shrills from acute pain, hearing hard people weep.

I was woken up early this morning to my mom screaming out after me. I jolted awake hearing her loud shrieking, now I know why they say that screams can be blood curdling. I found her on the floor after she had fallen directly on her shoulder that was just operated on. The worst part was watching her flail on the floor and hearing her tell me I couldn't help her up. I've never heard her make those kinds of screams before, it was a mix of cries and screams and yelps...

She got up by herself not knowing any other way without pulling something. I couldn't even help her up and had to watch her waddle lying on her side and claw the couch to pull herself up. She had me check for bleeding, there was only a little. I did my best to keep her calm, she started hyperventalating.

I just have been thinking about it all day, and I can't detach from it. Shook me up a little.

learning what not

And just when you think that you've got enough
Enough grows
And everywhere that you go in life
Enough knows

Half of learning how to play
Is learning what not to play
And she's learning the spaces she leaves
Have their own things to say
Then she's trying to sing just enough
So that the air around her moves
And make music like mercy
That gives what it is
And has nothing to prove

She crawls out on a limb
And begins to build her home
And it's enough just to look around
To know she's not alone

- up up up up up up from ani di franco

Coffee black and egg white

It's amusing to observe the current insanity pitching a tent in my life. I don't understand how I haven't been pulled down into the undertow. Mostly I'm impartial, it doesn't tag me for very long, or call me out on the stage for anything important.

I remain pretty calm about it, but there's always that undercurrent of anger. That anger towards how unfair so many things are, and how so many just.... deal cause it's the only option they have in these closed systems.

After a long conversation with my dad I just burnt up. I can't believe that so many people live like this... THe very fact that we live in a system that has such a hidden sort of feudalism that it NEEDS to have people slaving away in half assed jobs, the very fact that it's forced on us that we need to be so separated.

I look at my parents, scooping way out of their income to keep things together . She was working herself literally to the bone to keep things going around here. She's paid with her flesh and blood, working past where she's depleted the muscles in her knees and walked only on her ligaments, or had her shoulder muscle slide off from her shoulder bones from repetitive movements... Doing something over and over that causes harm to her...

She's not special, I know so many others like this, literally scraping up any penny being underpaid or uncompensated for the workload.

There's always something to think about. Changing topics now, I wonder if I overstep things, or just underestimate situations. It's hard to say. All I know is it's difficult to know how much understandings of another can really be safely bared without repelling that person. When spoken about, it leaves me feeling a little raw radical, and uncomfortably upfront. I usually prefer to just watch, just appreciate what is, just knowing that I know is enough. But it defeats the point I guess if we always hide.

the 8th

We need the freedom to fail a little more often...
... we need the freedom to make mistakes. Only then can we learn to succeed.
-Judsen Culbreth

I want to walk through life and not be dragged through it.
-Alanis Morrisette

Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different.
-Rodger von Oech

Preconcieved notions are the locks on the door to wisdom.
-Merry Brown

To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn
to see the other and honor him for what he is.
-Herman Hesse

I believe in things greater than us that are unexplained. The mysteries of life are so profound; that is why this legend and other kinds of mythology exist. I feel it keeps us human.
-Pellington

It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.
-Mohandas Gandhi

Never doubt that a small group of thoughful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
-Margaret Mead (she's an anthropologist!!! I studied her!!!)

The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends on large measure upon the how our children grow up today. There is no greater insight into the future than recognizing when we save our children, we save ourselves.
-Herman Hesse




It is curious how thoughts behave. They elude me in a crowd. Like spirits, they must be spoken to in silence before they will explain themselves.
-Helen Keller

People spend a lot of time looking for perfection-- the perfect child, the perfect self. They don't exist-- not in this life. But the difficulties we have are to help us grow. We need to embrace them rather than resist them. It's the process thats important.

- Ms. de Azevedo


and this... interesting subject and someone just told me there is a whole documentary on this subject, subject being after finding alien life in space may bring us to better reevaluate ourselves as living, moral beings. This is an experiemental letter to ETs on this subject.


______
TO: OCCUPANT (Please Forward if Necessary)
LIMITED-TIME OFFER-- SEE INSIDE FOR DETAILS

Dear Alpha,

I hope you won't mind if you I call you that, after Alpha Centauri, one of our regular-yellow-star neighbors. I could call you Zeta, after Zeta Reticuli, to cover the bases, but I like Alpha, Aleph, the beginning: This could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

First off, I know we're the new kid on the block. The Hubble might as well be the Humble for what it's shown us about were we fit in the big picture: a miniscule pin stuck into a map of infinity (You Are Here); a pale blue-green speck in a vertiginous, star-spackled Vast. It's been a corrective lens for human astigmatism.

Our astronomers say we're just one of hundreds of millions of habitable planets. And that 75 percent of the stars in our galaxy's temperate zone are older than out sun, meaning you could be our big brother ten millions years ahead in birth order (so much for sibling rivalry). I bet we remind you of yourselves back when you were young and full of mischief; didn't you once go around stockpiling weapons of mass destruction, extinguishing your fellow creates, soiling land, water and air like there's no tomorrow? (If you're reading this you had a tomorrow and I can't tell you how encouraging I find that.)

If we can nearly see you now, you've already spotted us. Maybe you've homed in our planet's most visible artificial landmark, the Great Wall of China, having no doubt there's belligerent -- I mean, *intelli*gent!-- life down here. Sort of: our really largest man made features are the clouds of smoke from burning rainforests, the bone white of dying corals reefs, the leaching tan of encroaching deserts--ultra large-scale public art installations whose theme, I suppose is our lack of love for each other, for ourselves, and for our fellow beings.

I try to imagine what kind of beings you are. Maybe you'd appear to us as superevolved lizards or cerebral fish; as the magenta-winged offspring of clever birds or the brainy descendants of great cats. Some of the creatures we're carelessly extinguishing might remind you of home probably doesn't give you much confidence about inviting us to dinner. (I'll assume you're too evolved to want us for dinner.)

On the off-chance you've snagged our Pioneer's golden tablet, you know what we look like. (Hint: We're the bipeds on the right, not that rectangle-thing in the middle.) I hope you enjoyed the Solomon Island agrams of our anatomy (we'll show you ours if you show us yours). But we forgot to put our best foot forward. The geniuses who put that parsec-traipsing pinata together left out the good stuff, like somthing called the Sermon on the Mount ("Do good to them that hate you" --how's that for a starter?) ; to say nothing of the Dhammapada, the Mishnah, the Mathnawi of Rumi, the Tao Te Ching, the Upanishads, and lots more where those came from.

I could summarize by saying we get it: each of us a thread, woven by universal affinity, in the tapestry of the Great Whole. We could ace the written portion of the galactic entrance exam; it's the practicum we'd flunk. We can sense there comes a point when an intelligent species gets so smart it's too clever by half, and the only possible way through is the evolutionary bottleneck-- what I expect you did -- is just to pop the cork of universal love. Love each other, love the planet; love madly, with no fear, without restraint. our sci-fi writers always envision you with really big heads; but if you've made it any further than we have, you must have gigantic hearts. I like to imagine you can feel the invisible waves and fluxes flowing between creatures as directly as we feel each other's warmth and breath and pulse. ( Our nonverbal signals to each other are relatively crude-- even an octopus blushes more expressively, in more colors. Too often we're left guessing at each other's feelings, getting it all wrong.)

Speaking of feelings, as I write these words, I feel far away not just from your world, wherever it is, but from my own. It steals over all six billion of us from time to time; a moment we say silently to ourselves, how can we? how can we let each other suffer so; how trash our Garden; how can we not take care of everyone's children? We're going through a terribly awkward phase, that's for sure, and taking our own sweet time coming out of it. We're just figuring out how to talk to each other and, more importantly , how to listen. (That's what that great dish at Arecibo* really symbolizes -- a big human eardrum.)

Now we're all abuzz that mass communications have created some kind of planetary nervous system, an awakening bud of self-consciousness- the Global Brain. But you're probably awaiting a bigger development -- the Global Heart. Maybe you're already scanning the heavens with your intergalactic stethoscopes, listening for coherent heart murmurs among the pulsars; for what the Little Prince (was he one of your guys?) said was essential but invisible to the eye. If your instruments can detect that spectrum, then you've seen more than our great walls-- you've seen through the cracks to all our small kindnesses. You know us not as the Planet of the Super Clever Apes, but the Planet of the Angels in Training.

We are growing beyond our Big Blue Marble phase, when we first looked in the mirror and recognized an Us. Now we're ready for relationship: We're looking for an Other, someone to start an I-Thou relationship. At the same, we're realizing maybe there is no Other. We know that, strictly speaking, everything started out as a dot of quantum fuzz, expanding into a universe in a fraction of a second (1/10 to the 25th power, we figure). Way Back When , it was all stuck together, a single agglomerated substance of One. So if nonlocality is true-- if each mote that's been in contact with another stays so forever, then the stardust we are and you are and everything is remains in some state of unbreakable entanglement. Call it the Cosmic Mirror Neuron. Or as one of our great Earth poets, William Blake, put it: Thou canst not stir a flower without disturbing a star.

Not that we mean to (disturb you, that is, with all our flower-stirring). It's just that for so long, we've been the frog at the bottom of the well, thinking our little round patch of sky was the universe. Six hundred years ago, our religions were still telling us the Earth was the center of Creation; and now the Hubble vistas are out stained-glass windows.

We know you're out there, somewhere. But until we hear from you, the stars look lovely, bright and cold. A famous biologist -- a winner of our great Peace Prize, no less--- once looked through a telescope and pronounced "Man at last knows he is alone in the unfeeling immensity of the universe." You'd probably have a good laugh over that one. Not just the alone part-- the Unfeeling part. The universe must be agog with feeling: How else could it have given birth to such deeply feeling progeny? This irresistible urge to reach out to you is a sign of our gregariousness; of our desire -- our profligacy--to make relatives. We're ready to dive into the cosmos heart-first.

We've seen the nurseries of light where suns are spawned in searing fire. We've trembled at the roiling black hole at the center of the Milky Way, gobbling up stars like TicTacs. We know that life's job is coherence, attraction; that entropy already has all the help it needs.

The point is, dear Alpha, dear cipher in the inky void: We'll make it through, just in the nick of time.

By the time this reaches you, millennia will have passed. But if we're still here to receive your reply, we'll be home free. Heck, if we manage to find a steady source of dilithium crystal, we may land on your doorstep to accept it in person -- all spruced up , hair slicked back, nice smile (not showing too many teeth), with a little gift for the Missus or the Mister or the Little Spores. We may even have a thing or two to teach you.

Maybe we already do. I've enclosed an attachment, the diamond words seers (and not incidentally, the newest findings of our scientists) translated into the universal harmonic language by some galactic goodwill ambassadors called the Beatles:

All you need is love. (You can trust me on this.)

Very Truly Yours,

A Friend

P.S. Please send a formula for neutralizing spent plutonium, the schematics for superluminal drive and a design for a cellophane free CD case? Thanks!

---Marc Ian Basarch

angry johnny

soooooooooooooo

hi. I'm back, I just quit in August and now I want to work production, some other job has driven my brains out from my earlobe faster than you ever could. we could skip the interview.

or that's what I'm tempted to do, skip back to the first red vest I ever had.

I got THREE forsaken writeups today. Thanks. No really thanks, I appreciate it. It's only my first week on the floor. So when I signed each one, I made my signature really ugly. On purpose. Take your tax exempt form and stick it...

Good thing I didn't come when they called me in yesterday. Hi we just called you in on your day OFF on HALLOW freaking WEEN, Oh yeah, here's your writeups.

This is going to make me old. Fast.

I thought I was going to bed.

When I talk about my innerworkings, it sounds strange. Mostly because people don't usually go in as indepth as to explain every little personal symbol or perception.

I can only hope that it doesn't come across tainted, misconstrued, or frightened. It's just flat out honesty that I am trying to provide, but I'm not used to speaking that upfront at such lengths and without defenses. But if I was scared of how I sound, I wouldn't say it at all. It's not that I am nervous that I will make an impression, it just that i want to leave something that's closest to the truth.

There is a lot of thinking that's involved, editing, reviewing before I say anything which is a habit. Partially because I remember vividly most every indepth personal conversation I have with someone. As such I get a little awkward when I know it could be going down in the records books. the ironic advice I give to myself "act natural" just doesn't cut it.

I still don't know why I become so shy when I explain my views around you, probably out of respect, and in those situations I only know how to observe not how to involve myself.

It just doesn't come with ease. All that bullshit you can look through
and find all these shy strings of reason braiding together in a thick cord is a big reason why I see what I do in you.

Just more and more I find myself shy about these things and my own thoughts. I can speak my mind and about myself and my ways when I'm seeing red and mortally pissed off or in casual conversation, but not so well in an upfront purpose. It's new territory.

right on.

So I'll be talking about this alot, and probably other gaming elements.

One thing I find humorous is newbs trying to act like they're long serving experts.
Not the case. I'm just really interested in running the Sailor Moon rpg for old times sake.

I was skeptical of the Guardians of Order version of it, looked too based on the crucified dub but not until I read this. I am impressed by other guardians of order makings and will buy the BESM

One of the writers of the rpg guide talks about making it. And I loved the last part, exactly the point i'm trying to make about women used as glamor items to display things on game shows.

I bring this up not to be all like yeah I'm in the gaming world. Not really, I'm barely introduced to it. But this hard ass lassie and her experience in making this and other rpgs is really making it cool for me. I can see why she took on SM, very female solider based, and far far from the typical 'save me' Rapunzel shit or the polar opposite typecastings like Electra, Lara Croft, which scream 'do me'. Though I appreciate that heroines have becoming more popular and sought after, I don't apprieciate that they are, more often than not, created for supercharged sensual appeal.

cited from here

All of our books have examples of play that use female names as well as male names and the females are not only restricted to roles as players but are also portrayed as GMs as well. We have also used names that are popular in diverse ethnic cultures, such as Isaac, Devinder, and Thea, to name a few. Mark insists that text referring to characters or players directly must have "him or her" as the pronoun and not the more popular word "them" or "they". For example, a sentence would read, "A character can run at ten times his or her normal speed." instead of "A character can run at ten times their normal speed." Everyone recognizes that although not the majority, people other than white, male Americans role-play and we try to be inclusive of them in our products.

My biggest challenges usually involve people outside of the company who do not value the work and role of women. Some people automatically assume that simply because I am a woman, I could not have had a larger role than play-tester with our products. They do not take me seriously or find it hard to believe when I tell them my title and role in the company. Some men have made inappropriate remarks about my gender as well as my body or looked at me inappropriately. This is not surprising, considering the average portrayal of women in the industry, but it signals to me that although many products are justified as "intended to be fun" or "not taken seriously", many people do indeed take them seriously, cannot separate reality from fantasy, and believe that it is an appropriate manner in which to relate to females in the real world.

Another obstacle that I face happens during the con season when I have to walk into the dealer's room, and I am confronted with rows upon rows of images of women of unparalleled beauty, disproportionately endowed with perfect bodies. I have found myself feeling unattractive and inadequate next to these icons and there are times that I have to remind myself that this is not true and that the women portrayed in these images are not real and are anatomically impossible.

Despite all of this, overall I am happy to be working in this industry, especially with the people at Guardians of Order. I believe that women can be successful and influential in the male-dominated world of gaming. There is still a long way to go before the image of the scantily-clad female will be balanced with an equally revealing image of a male, but with every female we draw into this market signals the tides are changing.

Cool.

ignorance is piss

I just like it. Naiveities day spa and parlor really could blind the world. It's not bliss, it's stagnation if you choose to wallow.

Trying to talk, discuss made someone scream out and storm off again. I don't like naming names and try to be a little better by not pointing out names but it's obvious. I just get tired.

But all that at the simple suggestion we need to talk more as a family?

I get tired of ignorant adults having fits and me being put into positions where I need to pick up slack. After she slammed her door shut I walked downstairs sputting out that I need to move out again.

Just because I want to look at things that aren't going so okay doesn't make me vicious. The very fact that I speak independently gets me written out as provoking and off the deep end.

My dad empathized, totally agreed with me, but just said, 'you know you can't say things she doesn't like. There's no way we can win, you're always wrong. I've told you a million times to suck it up, just pretend it isn't there We almost divorced over it'. Something in his eyes looked like using the div word again was unbearable. still. "I haven't been able to pretend like that for a long, long time, and I can't go back.' I told him I said nothing wrong,nothing to provoke, his response I know, I know! believe me I know.

I can leave... but it seems like he has nowhere.

not like that...

We all know those crazy fill in the blank games to make even crazier stories. Example: Suzie Anne took angry (noun)s to town (verb)ing after the rusty shagwagon over the (adjective) (noun) last Tuesday.

The ad in the magazine Lindsey snatched had one of these... I didn't do it...

"Kay. name a adjective, ok a verb, k a noun"

"Crispy... um. sky dive, and uh Bill Clinton."

Which became:

There's nothing like a 'crispy' walk to 'skydive' your 'Bill Clinton'.

Palingenesia

I flick through the news channels, through the cartoons, half ass watching whatever sitcoms airing, or passing up mulchy morning soap operas (unless its the middle of a catfight), when I get curious about the ways of the television set. I like the commericials second best.

What I like first is the mixtures of content that I see. So many different things are presented, and hell just are able to be presented electronically, virtually anywhere. I was thinking that I liked that.

Right now I'm jamming along to Billy Joels hit, 'We Didn't Start the Fire'. 40% for creative and now classic musicality (omg it IS a word ) 60% for content. I likes it muchly. Greater even since it notes a lot of this part of the world's free radicals, all those crazy controversies that people have all sorts of reactions to.

Ain't it wonderful?

I think most people have been asked, or wondered when and where they'd best have been born in. I used to love that question, I didn't feel that these times bordered on what I wanted to see of life, where being too smart was considered a social flaw.

"Reinisance period" was the response I'd jut out, hoping to not sound like some cliche coffee house bench warmer. It was a time when Europe was questioning the foundations and the integrations of the church, the government, the culture (and everything that insisted the three were and should be all the same) were questioned, reevaluated. "... but only if I was a man would I be able to enjoy it then, in the way that I would want to observe it."

But not too long ago, walking down a busy road and running my finger through chainlinked fences, it hit me---what if, what if I wasn't born in the wrong time?
Why not here, now? Here is also important.

Society now, look at it and where ours fits in with the rest of the world, or simply (or unsimply) where we correspond into either. i think about the problems of todays world (at least through the scope of this society) The complexity and wide ranges of issues being faced-- excites me. Why?

There's so much to get caught up in, and as such, it's hard to find a dull moment in this countries events. There are a lot of opportunities in this modern world. There's a lot of disbelief these days here, in many things. Ways for ideas to be passed on are being utilized everyday. Todays kids are getting forced on them the larger issues their parents tackled all their lives, but I see so many being forged by such dilemmas. Homeland crimes are getting scary, making us wonder if there is some sort of pitfall in our society? People don't always agree but now have the right to disagree and what dangerous or honorable things they do with that power. Politics are becoming increasingly divided and heated as we try to map out what the core of order and logic is. How about how we are allowed and encouraged to be our own persons, and the pros and cons of that being such a highlight in our culture? How about our accelerated lifestyles and economy that we dwell in?

Life is getting easy to pass by, and it is asking more and more for attention to detail. With the rushed pace that we live in here, with all the various things that demand our attention, it seems like we are moving on to a higher level which asks for more of ourselves. It is a time to rise, not pretend the world is broken and unsuited for us.


"... schism in the soul, schism in the body social, will not be resolved by any scheme of return to the good old days (archaism), or by programs guaranteed to render and ideal projected future (futurism), or even by the most realistic, hardheaded work to weld together again the deteriorating elements. Only birth can conquer death-- the birth, not of the old thing again, but of something new. Within the soul, within the body social, there must be-- if we are to experience long survival-- a continuous "recurrence of birth" (palingenesia) to nullify the unremitting recurrences of death. For it is by means of our own victories, if we are not regenerated, that the work of Nemesis is wrought: doom breaks from the shell of our very virtue. Peace then is a snare; war is a snare; change is a snare; permanence is a snare. Whe our day is come for the victory of death, death closes in; there is nothing we can do, except be crucified-- and resurrected; dismembered totally, and then reborn." -Joseph Campell

No, we didn't start the fire. But we're not just going to fight it, we're going to kindle it, and hopefully be passed through it a few times.

Troubles of today are wide and many. We are imparting from traditional methods of learning and thinking. Society here is becoming very decentralized and I would say getting the opportunity to evolve, instead of revolving around just one source. More and more it seems humanity is not disintegrating because of all this, but widening it's lens on scoping out long hidden truths.

Not any part of it is an easy thing to label, and this is what with I fell in love.
Why am I so taken with right now- Todays beautiful complexity and the ability that today has that has never been had to be able to invite such.
(though english is not my best fit of language, I seem to syntax every sentence without mention of subjective context)


"Just when you think you've got it down
Watch it fly" thank Shawn Colvin's song 'Trouble' for the clippit, helps to explain what I am trying to say. It's getting harder to completely know something nowadays. We can no longer afford to take our definitions for granted or as uneditable. We must be open for evaluting things at all times in our lifes. Now more than ever we are being called to live with our lives, our eyes, our minds, and our hearts open. Wide open and constantly scoping.


-------------------------------------------
And reminding me of all of this, I want to throw in a song I never listened to before. Apology already given to those who are sensitive to profanity, however I feel it was done for creativity's sake, especially the deliberate use of contrasting images in this song, and invitation of contrast and the right to disagree.

Amen-

I'm siphoning gas from the high school bus
Into the tank of my beat-up bug
So I can drive away from the shouting and misery
I drive into the night, to the hill, to the water tower
To lie on my back and drink in the meteor shower
Knowing that many men have lain as i do now
Ptolemy,Copernicus,Carl Jung
Pondering his existence,pondering,
Is God with me now?

And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes,I feel something I don't understand
Can somebody say Amen?

My life is but a short and precious seed
Like three seasons of life in a leaf on a tree
And when I cascade to the ground I will not be done
I will mingle with the earth and give life
To the roots again

Can somebody say Amen?

And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes, I feel something I don't understand
Can somebody say Amen?
Amen for the drivers in their garbage trucks
Amen for our mothers,for the lust to fuck
Amen for the child with innocent eyes
Amen for Kevorkian and the right to die
Amen for NASA,The NSA
It's all a front anyway
Amen for Marilyn Manson,Saddam Hussein
Amen for America and the Milky Way.
Amen for Elvis,for Betty Page
Amen for Gloria Steinham and Ronald Reagan
Amen for O.J.,Clinton too
Amen for the Republican witch hunt coup
Amen for Gandhi,for Malcolm X
Amen for the uprising of the weaker sex
Amen for Babylon, the third world's call,
Amen for the unity of us all
Amen,Amen,Amen

And I am not unique.
We are all leave on this great big tree.
this tree that is life,that is God,that is you,that is me
And I lie under my tree like the Buddhas before and after me
And I ask the stars, What for?
Yes, I feel something I can't explain
A light that flickers off and on again
And I look to the sky
And I ask these questions
Yes, I feel something I don't understand
Oh,can somebody say Amen?

-Paula Cole

Shroud

I had to leave the house of fashion
And go forth naked from its doors
'cause women should be allies
And not competitors
I had to leave the house of god
Because the cross replaced the wheel
And the goddesses were all out in the garden
With the plants that nurture and heal

I had to leave the house of privilege
Spend christmas homeless and feeling bad
To learn privilege is a headache
That you don't know that you don't have
I had to leave the house of television
To start noticing the clouds
It's amazing the stuff you see when
You finally shed that shroud

I had leave the house of conformity
In order to make art
I had to be more and less true
To learn to tell the two apart
I had to leave the house of fear
Just about as soon as I could crawl
Ignore my face on a wanted poster
Stuck to the post office wall

I had leave the house of self-importance
To doodle my first tattoo
To realize a tattoo is no more permanent
Than I am, and who
ever said that life is suffering
I think they had their finger on the pulse of joy
And the power of transcendence
Made its grace a practice we can employ

- Ani DiFranco from "Reprieve" album

snow duke

My family and I went up to the mountains today. I overenjoyed myself. We went way way way up where the snow is.

Couldn't help myself, here's my first snowman of the year! Took it on my dad's phone.

:D!