with the scenery flying by. . .

Notice how large events turn you in upon yourself? Thinking over these things I should probably sit down taking as much in as I can while rolling it over in my head. I can't. Life feels a lot like running right now. In such a short amount of time I get so far away at this speed. I try to do what I can while I am in the place I am in. Realistically it's only visiting, but really I have got to make things matter. I never truly pass anything by, I keep every significant thing that happens with me. I take it everywhere with me. I don't see much people do this anymore. Does it have to be this way?

I want to believe that people never truly leave me, it feels this way at least. It is strange. . . I walk through the halls of the school and feel so foreign. Everyone with the exception of friends behaves as if nothing is happening, and for them I guess not much really is. For me this is huge. There should be another term coming up. I have only just rebuilt my life and again I must pack up, literally. A tad bit overwhelming but at the same time encouraging. I know how important it is to leave what I know already know so that I may learn to know more, to expand what I see as comfortable. Even still I can't help but to cling to these roots I have only just planted. . .

I am trying to teach myself not to expect, but to be curious and open to the possibilities. It is hard for me because I get so easily attached to most things once I settle in. I want to leave my familiar and see more, to evaluate my world exploring what else is open to me. As for where I will be next I will 'know' a grand total of two people. My cousin of course and Amy. It is good to talk to her, someone with a good head on her shoulders. She has a lot of faith in junior colleges and what they have to offer. She's very familiar with the campus and courses as her siblings either work or have attended school there. I told her of my Snow Blast experience with Barbie and Skipper. . . She says since it's open enrollment a lot of people who aren't very serious can get in but there are still many students down there with brains. Holy crap, how good it was to hear that. There is unexplained comaderie between us right now just knowing that we'll be in the same place. She offered to room with me but she's going to live in the apartments while I'll be living in the shac-- I mean -- dorms. /jk.

At this pace it's hard to tell what I'm headed for or bigger yet what is heading for me. It's exciting but scary as hell. June first at noon I'll be capped and gowned walking! Lindsey and her friends want to go to my graduation, and I can't really explain why this is comforting. Them little punks, they're fun to have around.

This along with other things are too urgent. Right now everything comes down to hit or miss situations. I have no time to hold my breath.