My optimistic half is trying to tell me that I'm wrong, and that everything is still the same but I just don't see it yet. Of course, I can see how naive and unrealistic my optimisms can be.

A friend of mine said something last week that stuck with me. Nothing big or out of the ordinary, but just a simple descriptive phrase that describes this time in my life. And everything I thought it would be is nothing like it is. How true.

I don't consider myself pessimistic, just realistic. I try to keep myself in balance.

I like having time, but I can't figure out what to do with it. And the weekend does have it's disadavantages. I really hate to see his car out side her house parked on the curb, sticking out like a sore thumb. To me it's a reminder of the way things aren't, of the way things can't be. One thing is for sure, it can't be the way that it used to.

I have other things to be concerned with.

I've never seen myself being this kind of separate. I mean, for the first time I feel like a complete unit. I thought that after something as big as this, with so many close ties cut off, I'd feel like a fraction. Like I was without something. It's hard to describe this; I struggle with words. You'd think that after I'd lost my sense of belonging, I'd feel differently. I would have never guessed this but knowing that I'm not dependent on anyone is comforting. Not to say that I don't care, I amaze myself with how far I'd go to help someone I barely even know. But I've just proven something to myself, something I already knew, but not in this way. I can stand on my own, I'm able to support myself when I need to.
Not to say that relying on anyone else is bad. We aren't meant to be alone. But in order to endure, there are times when it's necessary to support yourself.