Okay first ftp download failed because this computer doens't have on needed installation component.
Ohhkay. Next!
I'll take a bite out of filezilla and see how I like it. Unless one of you out there has a recommendation...? 44% and counting...
Work was pretty good, though I'm glad they didn't call me in earlier. They tried but my mom had a long distance call from someone and tied up the line. Later I tied up the line myself. hehe.
A kid looked up at me today and asked me if I was a nurse. I was wearing my new uniform for Halloween, my mad scientist lab coat. Had to smirk at that one, nope just a costume coordinator... I carefully explained that I worked there and forgave the rascal in the back of my mind for terrorizing the Halloween section which was hit up soooo bad. I really admire the imagination of the young. Sometimes I do miss childhood, as Glynn Hughes puts it 'Childhood is an exitement from simply being alive."
When I find out about something complex and perception changing it usually startles me throughout the day. Well this one followed me through the night and it's a lot like a medical insurance policy. Once you max out everything and you hit what's termed a 'catatrosphic' by having a certain amount of medical costs they pay everything off for you. It's like this really, the irony and confusion has long since admitted themselves and reached the top of the charts. I understand and feel it's different now and because I do both it doesn't sink a hole in my stomach.
It's just probing now. Filing through what I understand, running back through what's already there and adding the blanks of which I fill out.
It answers a lot of things but poses a few more but smaller questions.
97% and counting...
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
High Life
I really really like this song. I play it to death.
All my friends got flowers in their eyes
But I got none this season
All of the last ten years blooms have gone and died
Time doesn’t give a reason
Hey baby, do you ask yourself sometimes
What you need to be forgiven?
Everything that you’ve ever done wrong
Is the reason that I’m driven
Straight to you.
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I get my ends and my beginnings mixed up too
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to stay for just another day or two
Waiting for the trains that just never come
Beginning to believe in
The disappearing nature of the people we have been
We have begun to change into the worst kind of people
So unkind
Oh apologies, no apologies, this apology
Doesn’t describe the way it feels to feel for you
Waiting here for you
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I find myself slowly disappearing too
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to help me remain with you
I just wanna stay for a little while
I wanna stay a little while
There’s a night life falling down on me
I just feel like a change
Beneath the sun in the summer
a sea of flowers won’t bloom without the rain
But oh, this desert life, this high life
Here at the dying end of the day
I wasn’t made for this scene baby
But I was made in this scene
And baby it’s just my way
I don’t want to go home alone, I wanna come on home to you
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I line my sky with all the silver I can use
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to stay for just another day or two.
Counting Crows
All my friends got flowers in their eyes
But I got none this season
All of the last ten years blooms have gone and died
Time doesn’t give a reason
Hey baby, do you ask yourself sometimes
What you need to be forgiven?
Everything that you’ve ever done wrong
Is the reason that I’m driven
Straight to you.
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I get my ends and my beginnings mixed up too
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to stay for just another day or two
Waiting for the trains that just never come
Beginning to believe in
The disappearing nature of the people we have been
We have begun to change into the worst kind of people
So unkind
Oh apologies, no apologies, this apology
Doesn’t describe the way it feels to feel for you
Waiting here for you
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I find myself slowly disappearing too
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to help me remain with you
I just wanna stay for a little while
I wanna stay a little while
There’s a night life falling down on me
I just feel like a change
Beneath the sun in the summer
a sea of flowers won’t bloom without the rain
But oh, this desert life, this high life
Here at the dying end of the day
I wasn’t made for this scene baby
But I was made in this scene
And baby it’s just my way
I don’t want to go home alone, I wanna come on home to you
Waiting here for you
Wanting to tell you
How I line my sky with all the silver I can use
Just the way you do
Thought if I told you
You might want to stay for just another day or two.
Counting Crows
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Yum
Do I really have to go to work today? I'm in heaven.
Counting crows and chocolate. What better way to spend your day? It's wonderful.
So my new site isn't going according to planned. I signed up at bizhat.com. Thought it would be a neutral name like that which was ADVERTISED freewebhost.com. I got 50 megs (gimme more!) that I can do nothing with, because their controls are so non descript I can't even create a new page. I can view the contents, but can't add any.
So off to the forum I guess say hey I'm the newb WTH do I do here??
WHOAHHH DID I DO IT?
*hyperventilates*
I think I got it. It's uploading through publishing wizard. after the upteenth try. Okay nobody come home, please! I'm so close!
It's not official yet but check out http://palepaintedsky.bizhat.com/main.htm At least something should come up, even if it's just a blank page with an announcement from bizhat.
What kind of name is that any way? Bizhat?
Well whatever it is, it's working right?
Counting crows and chocolate. What better way to spend your day? It's wonderful.
So my new site isn't going according to planned. I signed up at bizhat.com. Thought it would be a neutral name like that which was ADVERTISED freewebhost.com. I got 50 megs (gimme more!) that I can do nothing with, because their controls are so non descript I can't even create a new page. I can view the contents, but can't add any.
So off to the forum I guess say hey I'm the newb WTH do I do here??
WHOAHHH DID I DO IT?
*hyperventilates*
I think I got it. It's uploading through publishing wizard. after the upteenth try. Okay nobody come home, please! I'm so close!
It's not official yet but check out http://palepaintedsky.bizhat.com/main.htm At least something should come up, even if it's just a blank page with an announcement from bizhat.
What kind of name is that any way? Bizhat?
Well whatever it is, it's working right?
Witness
Make me a witness
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt.
I won’t weigh you down
with good intentions,
or make fire out of clay
or other inventions.
Will we burn
in Heaven?
Like we do
down here?
Will the change come
while we’re waiting?
Every one
is waiting...
And when we’re done
soul searching
and we carry the weight,
die for a cause...
Is misery made beautiful
right before our eyes?
Will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand?
Will we burn
in Heaven?
Like we do
down here?
Will the change come
while we’re waiting?
Every one
is waiting...
-Sarah McLachlan
take me out
out of darkness
out of doubt.
I won’t weigh you down
with good intentions,
or make fire out of clay
or other inventions.
Will we burn
in Heaven?
Like we do
down here?
Will the change come
while we’re waiting?
Every one
is waiting...
And when we’re done
soul searching
and we carry the weight,
die for a cause...
Is misery made beautiful
right before our eyes?
Will mercy be revealed
or blind us where we stand?
Will we burn
in Heaven?
Like we do
down here?
Will the change come
while we’re waiting?
Every one
is waiting...
-Sarah McLachlan
Overthinking
Oblivious or ignorant. Hard to say.
You are given an honor when you are ignored. This is when you are noticed most. To successfully ignore you have to stalk the ignored. Figure where not to go, what not to do.
And do I even want to establish which? Truth doesn't have to settle. It forces itself in and asks nothing. People do with it what they will.
In the end blame won't matter. It solves nothing, completes nothing.
Good and evil? I've explored both spectrums of myself indefinitely. She is darkening. Anyone can see that from far away. I say this neutrally having fully explored my own darkness.
The difference is between my dark and her dark is, my blackest thoughts abolish human concepts and emotions. They mock them. It absorbs all but one feeling the adoration of nothingness, infinite night. Embraces destruction and weakness. And a strange indulgence when something is admitted into obilivion, shredded, discarded. Very focused on carnage of all palpable structure like an anarchy of the heart. I could so easily be mentally celibate had I not taken the choice to feel and actually allow larger emotions. I could rid myself of the need for positive emotion, or the abstract want/need for love (in it's variety of forms as it's definition is so large). I've done it once. Somehow a strip of compassion even lived through that. This was a different skin, and a different time, but definitely one that has formed me.
Hers is focused more on emotions to their fullest.
We take turns I guess.
It's a little different to see someone who was years back my example and life line out of that emptiness, the only one who would see closely enough to even begin to listen.
Thats the little thing that tugs at me.
You are given an honor when you are ignored. This is when you are noticed most. To successfully ignore you have to stalk the ignored. Figure where not to go, what not to do.
And do I even want to establish which? Truth doesn't have to settle. It forces itself in and asks nothing. People do with it what they will.
In the end blame won't matter. It solves nothing, completes nothing.
Good and evil? I've explored both spectrums of myself indefinitely. She is darkening. Anyone can see that from far away. I say this neutrally having fully explored my own darkness.
The difference is between my dark and her dark is, my blackest thoughts abolish human concepts and emotions. They mock them. It absorbs all but one feeling the adoration of nothingness, infinite night. Embraces destruction and weakness. And a strange indulgence when something is admitted into obilivion, shredded, discarded. Very focused on carnage of all palpable structure like an anarchy of the heart. I could so easily be mentally celibate had I not taken the choice to feel and actually allow larger emotions. I could rid myself of the need for positive emotion, or the abstract want/need for love (in it's variety of forms as it's definition is so large). I've done it once. Somehow a strip of compassion even lived through that. This was a different skin, and a different time, but definitely one that has formed me.
Hers is focused more on emotions to their fullest.
We take turns I guess.
It's a little different to see someone who was years back my example and life line out of that emptiness, the only one who would see closely enough to even begin to listen.
Thats the little thing that tugs at me.
Friday, September 16, 2005
EVIIIIIL
How any self respecting human being continues to live like this, I really don't know. Haaa. Can't even see my floor, dishes are scattered about, my carpet's plated with old clothes. I make a mad dash looking for shoes before work. I think I 've solved the problem though, I just keep my battered tennis shoes in the kitchen. Domestically challenged? Something like that.
Here's a few things to put on my record as a living breathing paradox. A few of the fine arts of the home don't appeal to me such as CLEANING and SEWING, but most people like to be clean I guess. Only outwardly in this display-case society. But don't get me started on the hypocrisy of man. I kind of cook, I can clean when it comes down to it, but I get by. I'll lend two helping hands around the house ,yet won't lift a finger in my room. Should probably get around to it.
I could sell this, it's like boot camp for OCD patients, spend two months or more with my brother and I. It would be quite the experience. With reality shows so tickled with odd habits and exposure of the abnormal, it would be hilarious.
I'm the proud owner of a super nintendo now. Laugh if you must, but this is victory. I've been looking for one for almost a year or two. THREE bucks roughly, thanks to employee discount, Graywhale it would be thirty - twenty bucks depending on the condition. That's crap. I bought the ac adapter for more than the system itself. I settled a bit over the $8 after I called 'AreUGAME' and they recommended looking into a FORTY DOLLAR CONVERTER. !@$%&#@ no way honey. Now I’m getting to another problem.
So here's something to keep me swearing in my sleep for a while. It's not fair to do this to the devoted. no no no no no. It's going to cause a flood sooner or later to keep me and other nerdish Zelda fans in check until 2006, since we've all been drooling at an inhuman rate since 2003 over those pretty screenshots. (I wish I had my old connection, the game testing genius I could use the inside info) I've been checking in on some sweet looking reviews and this 'un should be promising. I can't wait, theres going to be a variety of new control features, the storyline is ever darker, and the graphics... The Graphics! So life like!
hope I didn't freak you all out with my life long Zelda fixation. Just thought of something, you don't ward off vampires with garlic, raw fanaticism is much more effective. In fact raw anything is about enough. People don’t like what is unfiltered and base, most people can’t handle origins.
There is hope though. I haven't played every Zelda game, particularly the old school pixelated ones. I still got the oracles.
Okay self, do the math. You get up at what 8:00 tommorrow on your day off, and you're up and energized at 12 freaking 48 in the morning. Everything has it's price, even Insanity.
Here's a few things to put on my record as a living breathing paradox. A few of the fine arts of the home don't appeal to me such as CLEANING and SEWING, but most people like to be clean I guess. Only outwardly in this display-case society. But don't get me started on the hypocrisy of man. I kind of cook, I can clean when it comes down to it, but I get by. I'll lend two helping hands around the house ,yet won't lift a finger in my room. Should probably get around to it.
I could sell this, it's like boot camp for OCD patients, spend two months or more with my brother and I. It would be quite the experience. With reality shows so tickled with odd habits and exposure of the abnormal, it would be hilarious.
I'm the proud owner of a super nintendo now. Laugh if you must, but this is victory. I've been looking for one for almost a year or two. THREE bucks roughly, thanks to employee discount, Graywhale it would be thirty - twenty bucks depending on the condition. That's crap. I bought the ac adapter for more than the system itself. I settled a bit over the $8 after I called 'AreUGAME' and they recommended looking into a FORTY DOLLAR CONVERTER. !@$%&#@ no way honey. Now I’m getting to another problem.
So here's something to keep me swearing in my sleep for a while. It's not fair to do this to the devoted. no no no no no. It's going to cause a flood sooner or later to keep me and other nerdish Zelda fans in check until 2006, since we've all been drooling at an inhuman rate since 2003 over those pretty screenshots. (I wish I had my old connection, the game testing genius I could use the inside info) I've been checking in on some sweet looking reviews and this 'un should be promising. I can't wait, theres going to be a variety of new control features, the storyline is ever darker, and the graphics... The Graphics! So life like!
hope I didn't freak you all out with my life long Zelda fixation. Just thought of something, you don't ward off vampires with garlic, raw fanaticism is much more effective. In fact raw anything is about enough. People don’t like what is unfiltered and base, most people can’t handle origins.
There is hope though. I haven't played every Zelda game, particularly the old school pixelated ones. I still got the oracles.
Okay self, do the math. You get up at what 8:00 tommorrow on your day off, and you're up and energized at 12 freaking 48 in the morning. Everything has it's price, even Insanity.
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