Just read an article about modern stress contributions and the nature of stress in humans. Not to mention---- baboons. Poor baboons, monkies in my mind are an instant symbol of wacky happiness. That makes me want to cry thinking of a heart broken and sullen baboon sitting there pondering the meaning of his small existence in the cold green heartless abyss of a jungle.
I've been having my fill of black licorice. First stick I said to myself - this is deniable. Second - I kind of like this, third, I love this stuff, and from then on it exponentially increased to some crazed obsession.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
youngest mother...
I thought seven was the youngest documented age of becoming impregnated, sadly, it's no longer true.
http://scienceroll.com/2006/12/09/the-youngest-mother-ever/
http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp
http://scienceroll.com/2006/12/09/the-youngest-mother-ever/
http://www.snopes.com/pregnant/medina.asp
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
take a look, just don't say it
http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2007/07/20070717-3.html
Beautiful. This was just passed by the President. It's titled 'Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq'. What this does is allows the White House to take or hold what money or property you have, once they decide you are "undermining efforts" in this war in any way.
Aren't you glad we still have our freedom of speech and demonstration?
Beautiful. This was just passed by the President. It's titled 'Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq'. What this does is allows the White House to take or hold what money or property you have, once they decide you are "undermining efforts" in this war in any way.
Aren't you glad we still have our freedom of speech and demonstration?
Sunday, July 22, 2007
olive pizza
It was about the pizza. He threw his arms up into the air, turned in a half circle. He said it wasn't possible. "What's wrong" I asked without getting an answer. He went on to say several times that he couldn't do it, in a mumble that sounded like a yell. From there he became increasingly irritated as if everything he did had to be approved of. He just wouldn't answer. Every movement he made was both frantic and erratic. The tin foil wouldn't stick to the crust. But she wanted it on so it wouldn't burn. But it wouldn't stay on it kept on falling. But she wanted it on so it wouldn't burn. But it would come off after he had formed it again. But she wanted it on so it wouldn't burn.
He threw the pizza in said I don't care anymore SCREW it. He walked off, turned around in a hurry, and began cursing. He forgot the olives.
The pizza had a huge clump of olives, almost more olives than pizza. He threw the pizza in the second time, walked away.
It's so sad he's afraid to do anything wrong when it comes to her.
He threw the pizza in said I don't care anymore SCREW it. He walked off, turned around in a hurry, and began cursing. He forgot the olives.
The pizza had a huge clump of olives, almost more olives than pizza. He threw the pizza in the second time, walked away.
It's so sad he's afraid to do anything wrong when it comes to her.
odd.
I have to tell myself a few times that this week is over before I start to believe it. It's not that I have done much this week, it's just the rate at which the days started and ended.
My younger sister came back listless after her red eye flight from D.C. today. The trip was mostly paid for by her 'Teenage Republican' group. There was no sightseeing, except to go see the Capitol. The entire week was filled with plenty of meetings to the point where it couldn't even be classified as a trip, she might have been closed in a hotel in this state for that matter.
I saw my cousin tie the knot last week, I had to ignore how strange it was to remember that she's only a few months younger than I am. I wasn't able to see the ceremony because that requires a Mormon temple recommend, which upsets me to think of how many more I may for this reason. It explains why receptions are so big here, there are a few people who can't come to the actual wedding.
Her wedding day was pretty typical of her outlook on life, it has to be overdone and expensive. She jumped on the marriage band wagon shortly after her parents told her if she didn't want to pay for things herself she would have to get married. I wonder if they are really even in love at all, sadly even this would seem less important than the fact that she was wed in a mormon temple to our extended family.
What the hell is marriage anyway.
My younger sister came back listless after her red eye flight from D.C. today. The trip was mostly paid for by her 'Teenage Republican' group. There was no sightseeing, except to go see the Capitol. The entire week was filled with plenty of meetings to the point where it couldn't even be classified as a trip, she might have been closed in a hotel in this state for that matter.
I saw my cousin tie the knot last week, I had to ignore how strange it was to remember that she's only a few months younger than I am. I wasn't able to see the ceremony because that requires a Mormon temple recommend, which upsets me to think of how many more I may for this reason. It explains why receptions are so big here, there are a few people who can't come to the actual wedding.
Her wedding day was pretty typical of her outlook on life, it has to be overdone and expensive. She jumped on the marriage band wagon shortly after her parents told her if she didn't want to pay for things herself she would have to get married. I wonder if they are really even in love at all, sadly even this would seem less important than the fact that she was wed in a mormon temple to our extended family.
What the hell is marriage anyway.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
wo0t
This is awesome...
I just bought an OCARINA!!!!!!
^_________________^
It's all blue like the one in Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
I just bought an OCARINA!!!!!!
^_________________^
It's all blue like the one in Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
Monday, July 16, 2007
seasoned
hope is something halfway
between a feather and a jaw
when he slept around me
as easy as a fall
I held my head just so
that hope might slip in oddly
my hope is hidden
in the frenzy of his body
fear has come upon me cried
and stiffening at night
there isn't time
and I'm dirtier than I would like
I can lie so fear don't see me
a sweater on the floor
or I can clean
like I've never been scared before
I have talked of love
til it's ragged hanging loose
my heart is busted
from enthusiastic overuse
now love is stealthy
hiding under ribs
love laughs at me
it knows exactly what it is
hope is something halfway
between a feather and a jaw
when you slept around me
as easy as a fall
I held my head just so
and hope dis slip in oddly
my hope is hidden
in the frenzy of your body.
-Veda Hille
between a feather and a jaw
when he slept around me
as easy as a fall
I held my head just so
that hope might slip in oddly
my hope is hidden
in the frenzy of his body
fear has come upon me cried
and stiffening at night
there isn't time
and I'm dirtier than I would like
I can lie so fear don't see me
a sweater on the floor
or I can clean
like I've never been scared before
I have talked of love
til it's ragged hanging loose
my heart is busted
from enthusiastic overuse
now love is stealthy
hiding under ribs
love laughs at me
it knows exactly what it is
hope is something halfway
between a feather and a jaw
when you slept around me
as easy as a fall
I held my head just so
and hope dis slip in oddly
my hope is hidden
in the frenzy of your body.
-Veda Hille
those walls
Anna seems different at church, which would make two of us. This church isn't my decision, just something that's required of me as long as I live here. I think she was once able to accept that I had different beliefs. What I don't think she can accept is seeing me in that atmosphere half assed and distanced.
Everytime I catch her in the hallway, I can hear how strained and simulated her responses are.
Everytime I catch her in the hallway, I can hear how strained and simulated her responses are.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
switching off
I kept my tongue bit while sweeping the kitchen. I don't even have the leeway to not understand without being snapped at. I understand she is stressed but it's very parallel to how she normally is with everyone and it is hard to coexist at times. I thought about how she will only ever know her side of any given situation. Even still I'm the outspoken seemingly rash one. I stand up for myself when it comes to the important things and it sets my mom off to be challenged. She needs control but I can't sacrifice myself to that.
It reminded me of that old saying- two sides to every story. Two sides at least.
I have... sides. More than one. I'm just trying to find what is left of me.
I know what I need to be doing and will get on a more productive track, but the long lapse of productivity has been taking it's toll. I used to be a searching person. I feel I've lost that. I feel harsher and uninspired, my dreams are there, but way down there buried. I'm just trying to get back up on two feet, walk with one foot in front of the other and take comfort and pride in each small step.
I used to look at everything with rapt curiosity, I searched for the life and intent in everything. My heart used to be more open. I wasn't always so watchful and sarcastic in my head. I always have my bases covered. I've been shutting off or dumbing down major parts of me just to get by here without losing my head. That leads to me having days where I just stop having that kind of control and become moody to everyone.
There has been so much that has changed me.
It's been a wild ride about my health. I think I have been a little better, so I have delayed a walk to the walmart pharmacy for the antibiotics I was prescribed. I've been down that road before though and am skeptical though that would make the most sense. It definitely has been something for me to have to sort through.
There are days that I only want to stop, disappear. Maybe that is why we are wired to sleep, just to exit your immediate mind and this dizzy world for a few merciful hours each day.
It reminded me of that old saying- two sides to every story. Two sides at least.
I have... sides. More than one. I'm just trying to find what is left of me.
I know what I need to be doing and will get on a more productive track, but the long lapse of productivity has been taking it's toll. I used to be a searching person. I feel I've lost that. I feel harsher and uninspired, my dreams are there, but way down there buried. I'm just trying to get back up on two feet, walk with one foot in front of the other and take comfort and pride in each small step.
I used to look at everything with rapt curiosity, I searched for the life and intent in everything. My heart used to be more open. I wasn't always so watchful and sarcastic in my head. I always have my bases covered. I've been shutting off or dumbing down major parts of me just to get by here without losing my head. That leads to me having days where I just stop having that kind of control and become moody to everyone.
There has been so much that has changed me.
It's been a wild ride about my health. I think I have been a little better, so I have delayed a walk to the walmart pharmacy for the antibiotics I was prescribed. I've been down that road before though and am skeptical though that would make the most sense. It definitely has been something for me to have to sort through.
There are days that I only want to stop, disappear. Maybe that is why we are wired to sleep, just to exit your immediate mind and this dizzy world for a few merciful hours each day.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
now
Each person with a different swing in pace, a familiar face is a dying chance.
Sometimes I am afraid that tomorrow is a place where I will only have my name to know
I want something covered in yesterday, here and still existing.
Sometimes I am afraid that tomorrow is a place where I will only have my name to know
I want something covered in yesterday, here and still existing.
It's Late
I tried being as quiet as possible getting into the house tonight. Not to be secretive, but tomorrow is an early morning for my mom tomorrow. She's leaving around five am and I figure she needs her rest. It's a little crazy to think that she'll be redoing her should again, but there are a few factors that are involved with that so it can't just be looked at with face value.
I've just read up, being a little curious about it, on what kind of long term effects hairdressing has. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but like I am telling everyone right now, just hold out your arms in alignment your shoulder. Keep them up for longer than five minutes and tell me how you feel. Your body is not meant to do that for year after year. She started having some small problems when we moved here, but she needed to provide income and ignored it.
I found a few stories just like my moms, also she got most every fun thing they listed. My mom says this is a change for her, that she was very healthy and had no physical problems until about thirty.
This time around she's going to need a lot more help, not that it wasn't offered before but she would do things behind our backs. I want to do what I can to help. We are very different though and don't always get along. This only seems to get worse or better when she is not able to do things. She is someone that likes to get things done her way and only her way.
I hope everything doesn't go nuts now. It has that possibility, but then again, we've all done this before. Everyone is home more often now, so hopefully we'll be able to work together instead of just bumping elbows and getting in each other's way.
I've just read up, being a little curious about it, on what kind of long term effects hairdressing has. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but like I am telling everyone right now, just hold out your arms in alignment your shoulder. Keep them up for longer than five minutes and tell me how you feel. Your body is not meant to do that for year after year. She started having some small problems when we moved here, but she needed to provide income and ignored it.
I found a few stories just like my moms, also she got most every fun thing they listed. My mom says this is a change for her, that she was very healthy and had no physical problems until about thirty.
This time around she's going to need a lot more help, not that it wasn't offered before but she would do things behind our backs. I want to do what I can to help. We are very different though and don't always get along. This only seems to get worse or better when she is not able to do things. She is someone that likes to get things done her way and only her way.
I hope everything doesn't go nuts now. It has that possibility, but then again, we've all done this before. Everyone is home more often now, so hopefully we'll be able to work together instead of just bumping elbows and getting in each other's way.
Monday, July 09, 2007
crazy myspace
In my mind myspace is the whore of the blogging community. All it does is get around. I hate myspace!!! I notice that here, my blog sits in a forgotten corner. I've shared this url with plenty of close friends, but it just stays at that. It's about myspace, not blogger. I know that on a more popular blog host it could be different, but I like this one. It's the one I found. Still it makes me a little angry that myspace is such an elite one stop shop that the rest can't be bothered with.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Different
I found an old letter today while making an attempt to clean this mess of legends I call my room. An old really sad letter that had different and tangled up emotions attached to it from the time I first read it. It reminded me of all the people I know or have known.
A part of getting older is watching familiar places and people - go or become changed. It's hard to think of how many loved ones I have had over the years. Along with that there is thinking about how I watched them branch out in different directions. I think of how many people I will still know in a year and can't count it on one hand.
There used to be a small handful of people my age in this neighborhood that I could call for stupid things. Things like- "hey did the power go out over art your house", or "hey I'm locked out can I hang out over here for a while?"
Different is the right word here. Different is the way I remember things. Different is the way I feel, and am.
A part of getting older is watching familiar places and people - go or become changed. It's hard to think of how many loved ones I have had over the years. Along with that there is thinking about how I watched them branch out in different directions. I think of how many people I will still know in a year and can't count it on one hand.
There used to be a small handful of people my age in this neighborhood that I could call for stupid things. Things like- "hey did the power go out over art your house", or "hey I'm locked out can I hang out over here for a while?"
Different is the right word here. Different is the way I remember things. Different is the way I feel, and am.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Giant Penguins!!!!
In high school I had a fun and crazy friend named Wendy. We were around one another enough to have people mix our names up and it wasn't long before I responded to the name Wendy and the other way around.
We had this running joke about penguins, how they were diabolical birds that used their seemingly adorable appearances as a clever disguise. It went so far as to say that, yes, penguins are a growing evil that are now planning world domination and the enslavement of the human race.
That could have been true 40 million years ago (had we been around) Check this out-- bloody five foot tall penguins. Scientists found these skeletal remains of penguins in Peru. According to the first article, this could be the third largest bird to have ever existed.
Here is a CNN news linkfor a little more info, it's just too crazy of a story to buy into to one source. It seems like something that belongs on those National Enquirer magazines you find in the super market.
We had this running joke about penguins, how they were diabolical birds that used their seemingly adorable appearances as a clever disguise. It went so far as to say that, yes, penguins are a growing evil that are now planning world domination and the enslavement of the human race.
That could have been true 40 million years ago (had we been around) Check this out-- bloody five foot tall penguins. Scientists found these skeletal remains of penguins in Peru. According to the first article, this could be the third largest bird to have ever existed.
Here is a CNN news linkfor a little more info, it's just too crazy of a story to buy into to one source. It seems like something that belongs on those National Enquirer magazines you find in the super market.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
"being awake is swimming around in a lake of the undead"
Strangeness is beginning to bubble up again. Like my mom becoming speechless and screaming bloody murder for an entire minute at the sight of a squirrel nearing the house. This only made me believe there could only be a mutilated corpse in the backyard seeing how alarmed she was. She never screams like that even before she thinks an accident is about to happen because of my dads driving, she didn't even scream as bad as that when she fell on her shoulder that was healing from big operation.
I'm told this squirrel is very over-sized, but even so I don't understand the hype. She's wanting to get rid of this squirrel no matter what and has asked my brother a favor. He is eagerly awaiting the day he can purchase a gun and obtain a hunting permit and gladly volunteered to get rid of the squirrel. My dad had to tell him no son you can't eat the squirrel, being as he wants to eat one of every animal. He has plans to skin the little thing and hang the pelt on his door. I've told him I will go all out hippie if he attempts to do so.
I don't really see the need to kill a harmless squirrel, it hasn't entered our house or bitten anyone. A few years ago if I saw a squirrel it was like seeing a Zebra. We would all stop and point "oh my HECK it's a SQUIRREL!". I've always thought they were adorable, not the blackest of creatures from the abyss. If I am able I would like to catch this squirrel and let him go somewhere. It's better than the little guy getting skinned.
I've also decided that factories are still miserable in modern days. I worked for one last week and hell, it's not worth it... I was excited to work for a bakery again, but this wasn't the case. I was packaging bakery goods. I got a green hard hat slapped on my head, a flattering hairnet that put on like 5 years, ear plugs, and thick shoe covers. Anyone who has done a single repetitive task will know what I am about to explain. IT bloody hurts. I put packages into boxes all day using the same movements and it creates a lot of strain. Two hours in my whole back burned and I continued for four hours after. I'm sure after a while you adapt, with a bodily cost of course but damn. I could not lift my arms above my head, and when I mimicked the movement my arms wanted to snap off.
I loved seeing all the psychotic machines, I watched muffins come out of the wall all day through a conveyor belt. There were conveyor belts and large steel machines everywhere with big metal arms and other huge devices all about. There has got to be a zillion ways to lose a hand there. I felt like a kid watching these large contraptions at work.
Factories suck and squirrels don't eat people.
That is all
I'm told this squirrel is very over-sized, but even so I don't understand the hype. She's wanting to get rid of this squirrel no matter what and has asked my brother a favor. He is eagerly awaiting the day he can purchase a gun and obtain a hunting permit and gladly volunteered to get rid of the squirrel. My dad had to tell him no son you can't eat the squirrel, being as he wants to eat one of every animal. He has plans to skin the little thing and hang the pelt on his door. I've told him I will go all out hippie if he attempts to do so.
I don't really see the need to kill a harmless squirrel, it hasn't entered our house or bitten anyone. A few years ago if I saw a squirrel it was like seeing a Zebra. We would all stop and point "oh my HECK it's a SQUIRREL!". I've always thought they were adorable, not the blackest of creatures from the abyss. If I am able I would like to catch this squirrel and let him go somewhere. It's better than the little guy getting skinned.
I've also decided that factories are still miserable in modern days. I worked for one last week and hell, it's not worth it... I was excited to work for a bakery again, but this wasn't the case. I was packaging bakery goods. I got a green hard hat slapped on my head, a flattering hairnet that put on like 5 years, ear plugs, and thick shoe covers. Anyone who has done a single repetitive task will know what I am about to explain. IT bloody hurts. I put packages into boxes all day using the same movements and it creates a lot of strain. Two hours in my whole back burned and I continued for four hours after. I'm sure after a while you adapt, with a bodily cost of course but damn. I could not lift my arms above my head, and when I mimicked the movement my arms wanted to snap off.
I loved seeing all the psychotic machines, I watched muffins come out of the wall all day through a conveyor belt. There were conveyor belts and large steel machines everywhere with big metal arms and other huge devices all about. There has got to be a zillion ways to lose a hand there. I felt like a kid watching these large contraptions at work.
Factories suck and squirrels don't eat people.
That is all
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Statues in the Park
I thought of you today
when I stopped before an equestrian statue
in the middle of a public square,
you who had once instructed me
in the code of these noble poses.
A horse rearing up with two legs raised,
you told me, meant the rider had died in battle.
If only one leg was lifted,
the man had elsewhere succumbed to his wounds;
and if four legs were touching the ground,
as they were in this case--
bronze hooves affixed to a stone base--
it meant that the man on the horse,
this one staring intently
over the closed movie theater across the street,
had died of a cause other than war.
In the shadow of the statue,
I wondered about the others
who had simply walked through life
without a horse, a saddle, or a sword--
pedestrians who could no longer
place on foot in front of the other.
I pictured statues of the sickly
recumbent on their cold stone bed,
the suicides toeing the marble edge,
statues of accident victims covering their eyes,
and murdered covering their wounds,
the drowned silently treading the air.
And there was I,
up on a rosy-gray block of granite
near a cluster of shad trees in the local park,
my name and dates pressed into a plaque,
down on my knees, eyes lifted,
praying to the passing clouds,
forever begging for just one more day.
-Billy Collins
when I stopped before an equestrian statue
in the middle of a public square,
you who had once instructed me
in the code of these noble poses.
A horse rearing up with two legs raised,
you told me, meant the rider had died in battle.
If only one leg was lifted,
the man had elsewhere succumbed to his wounds;
and if four legs were touching the ground,
as they were in this case--
bronze hooves affixed to a stone base--
it meant that the man on the horse,
this one staring intently
over the closed movie theater across the street,
had died of a cause other than war.
In the shadow of the statue,
I wondered about the others
who had simply walked through life
without a horse, a saddle, or a sword--
pedestrians who could no longer
place on foot in front of the other.
I pictured statues of the sickly
recumbent on their cold stone bed,
the suicides toeing the marble edge,
statues of accident victims covering their eyes,
and murdered covering their wounds,
the drowned silently treading the air.
And there was I,
up on a rosy-gray block of granite
near a cluster of shad trees in the local park,
my name and dates pressed into a plaque,
down on my knees, eyes lifted,
praying to the passing clouds,
forever begging for just one more day.
-Billy Collins
Thursday, June 07, 2007
surfing
ha. Fun little article right here for Wii, Nintendo, and gaming fans alike.
http://news.zdnet.com/2100-1040_22-6189553.html?part=rss&tag=feed&subj=zdnn
The best miis ever
http://miiplaza.net/user/2682732585897970/
http://news.zdnet.com/2100-1040_22-6189553.html?part=rss&tag=feed&subj=zdnn
The best miis ever
http://miiplaza.net/user/2682732585897970/
Can smell it from here
INTERNET EXPLORER FOR MAC NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD
In June 2003, the Microsoft Macintosh Business Unit announced that Internet Explorer for Mac would undergo no further development, and support would cease in 2005. In accordance with published support lifecycle policies, Microsoft ended support for Internet Explorer for Mac on December 31st, 2005, and is not providing any further security or performance updates.
Accordingly, as of January 31st, 2006, Internet Explorer for the Mac is no longer available for download from Microsoft. It is recommended that Macintosh users migrate to *more recent web browsing technologies* such as Apple's Safari.
***
It's not as forward as some would have it but you can pretty much see the scathing undertones of a long fought rivalry between the apple and the windows. Beautiful! While staying politically correct, paper thin sarcasm still found it's way in there.
I love it. lol
In June 2003, the Microsoft Macintosh Business Unit announced that Internet Explorer for Mac would undergo no further development, and support would cease in 2005. In accordance with published support lifecycle policies, Microsoft ended support for Internet Explorer for Mac on December 31st, 2005, and is not providing any further security or performance updates.
Accordingly, as of January 31st, 2006, Internet Explorer for the Mac is no longer available for download from Microsoft. It is recommended that Macintosh users migrate to *more recent web browsing technologies* such as Apple's Safari.
***
It's not as forward as some would have it but you can pretty much see the scathing undertones of a long fought rivalry between the apple and the windows. Beautiful! While staying politically correct, paper thin sarcasm still found it's way in there.
I love it. lol
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