quotes

He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

life isnt that long

There was a fourteen year old girl that didn't live too far from here that got killed last night. Both her and her cousin snuck out to go meet friends. They decided to cross the freeway to get there faster. She didn't make it and the car kept on going.

It got to me when my mom looked up her picture in my brothers school yearbook. She was a skinny girl with a shy smile lined up with all the other students her age, in black and white boxed frames.

Current M

her tennis shoes are tied
in the grasses around her
soccerball held at her hip

ponytail
to keep her hair out
of her face

smiled like she used to have braces

out in the field of
my old school yard

maybe she would have had married early
had two girls
who would
need ponytails

to keep the hair out
of their eyes
who would never,
ever sneak out.

How do you choose books to read?

Hit and miss. I take the time to browse. I make sure to spend time walking between the library shelves, aware that I could miss something. I let the titles run through my head.

They always say don't judge a book by its cover. Half the time doing so I find an interesting read. Whether it's by the font of the title, or the artwork it can say a little bit about the author.

Share a letter you've written. Or, write a letter to someone you miss.

It's been a while. Times have changed, and we have right along with them.

I will always remember you, the first person who taught me how to think and reason. You made it evident in your actions that things could be made different. That compassion and hope must be outside religion first. No matter what the situation were came to quick defense of the ones you loved. Ready to defend what people deserved. You still remind me of a lionness.

I've learned how complex interpretation can be. I've learned how sometimes certain actions represent pieces to a situation a person is facing, and people become not people so much as symbols.

You were always a go getter, when we were younger you asked me not to let you drown yourself in work again, it happens when you get upset. So when I saw it happening again, through what others were saying who still knew you I asked you to stay open, let people in still. Maybe you wanted to defend it. Maybe it was too strong of a message from someone you were straining to stay in touch with.

I accept that our lives are apart, and have been for years. I would try to contact you again, but I have to prove I don't need to be proved to you, even if its an invisible thing. The difference is, I know how to do these things by myself now.

I see glimpses of you in the people I meet. In difficult situations I sometimes recall what you've said, use as a sort of distant advice. The passion you had for life is still a source of inspiration to me, and I still use it as a fuel.

I miss that friendship. But here we are in the middle of forging lives for ourselves, the time period where now no one has time, keeping in touch is a chore, and it's a little late for repairs.

I just want to say I understand, or at least come closer to, the complexity.

please trip them gently they don't like to fall

I'm avoiding looking up articles on the Omaha mall shootings. Funny that it happened, on a week like this.

How do we get this complex in the first place? It can't just be emotion and instinct, animals run heavily on that and overall they seem to be balanced. We have more needs I guess.

So what is it the third time this year we've had a public massacre like this? Virginia tech, Trolley square here, and now a mall in Omaha.

The kinds of things that I've seen and heard have been hard to take in this week. To be human is to have limited control, and I've been learning this. And this, really adds to that.

Even in youth I feel aged, like my life could end any moment now. This world isn't ours, a thousand years ago it was the same.

The life we're all living is a fragile, fragile thing. I've never felt this mortal.

________________________________________

_____________________________________

"please trip them gently, they don't like to fall,
there's no room for anger, we're all very small
we're painting our faces and
dressing in thoughts from the skies, from paradise
but they think that we're holding a secretive ball
won't someone invite them,
they're just taller children
that's all, after all

man is an obstacle, sad as the clown
so hold on to nothing, and he won't let you down
some people are marching together and
some on their own quite alone
others are running, the smaller ones crawl
but some sit in silence, they're just older children
that's all, after all

i sing with impertinence,
shading impermanent chords,
with my words
i've borrowed your time and i'm sorry i called
but the thought just occurred that we're nobody's children at all, after all

live your rebirth and do what you will,
forget all i've said, please bear me no ill, after all

in touch

I need to work harder to keep my loved ones an active part of my life.

I work pretty well with most of my close friends. We do our own things, now and then theres a phone call even a night out and it comes out good, like it was before. With some though, the time spent away does make a difference, and we don't talk as fluently as we did before.

It was a normal, sleepy day yesterday. Up until I heard a car accelerate well above 40, tires squelch, and then a crash. It's something not so normal on a small residential street like mine.

I called 911 immediately, though outside I could see at least 3 people already making the call. I ran inside, grabbed blankets and gauze hoping to help out where I could, but my neighbors were already there.
'
A 15 year old took two other guys out for a spin in his moms car. When he went around the street's curve he hit the wrong pedal, and accelerated in seconds. They came over the curb, ripped up part of the lawn and hit a tree. The air back came out but only on one side, and the car was totaled. By the time I was out, in what, only a minute after - they had already been laid out on the grass. People had blankets and pillows. Honestly there were too many helping there and not much I could do but watch. Luckily a nurse lived down the street.

Two of them had cut their foreheads pretty bad, one was shaking probably from shock or the cold despite the blankets. The youngest, was acting cool, riding the hype in his own precocious sort of way.

I hope they are okay.

I'm crashing my classes. I have been learning loads of new things, and I wish there was another outward way to show that. There is a point where challenges of this nature ceases to be a good thing, and if you don't take a moment, can make you go backward.


I'm hanging there. And biting down the arrogance of the college system. With the time that I have I want to take in whats real.

I compare Tori Amos concerts to my first times exploring the ranges of her music. There is a lot of shock value to begin with. When you come back to it after listening to the more experimental songs, you begin to like it.

I really liked the second half of the concert and wouldn't mind trying to listen to some of the songs from the first part. I guess it was because she was her darker 'identity' - Pip. It blew my ears out, some of it was very close to Nu Metal. I kept on begging her in my mind to come back to the piano, instead of letting her music be ruled by base guitars.

I couldn't contain myself when she began to play 'Mother'... She can be so delicate with the piano. But mostly it was to be there with these songs.

Now I want to try it again. I can understand now why people see her several times a tour.

Tori Concert

I'm being taken to go see Tori Amos - live!!! I didn't even know she was coming here again! Justin caught it on the radio and bought us floor seats...!

I only hope Justin doesn't get warded off by her dawdling comments she makes in concerts, and her current identity crisis. If you're not a Tori fan, and you go to a Tori concert, chances are its going to be a little overwhelming. Especially this one, altar egos, and all.


I'm thrilled to not only go to my first concert,but to see my all time favorite musician perform. Is this real? Justin, I owe you one.

no hurry

I'm refusing sleep. Having time off makes me want to make the most of it in my own laid back kind of way.

There isn't much in the morning for me. The afternoon, evening, and night hold the bulk of events for me. I feel justified sleeping in past noon.

I just love having time to not be rushed.

You want so bad to write like that.

At the same time you know she deserves everything she has.

But you can't help but to compare and slip back into the void of 'look what I still haven't made / remade of myself '.

You know that you can always get back in practice with it again, but there is always that fear that it might not be the same.

It's about forging the way, not exactly about having the direction just yet. It's about sheltering what still works, and going from there.
No one thing will give at once. Nothing will carry me except the intent of these two feet.

Just take it as it flows.

duck taped kid

in the middle of the night

Nothing like scrambling out to the backyard trampoline at the stroke of midnight. What's even better is bouncing all over the place when that ever so increasing need to pee comes upon you. I didn't even let that get in my way. Honestly, it's amusing to challenge yourself like that. Let's see how much you can take, when all you want to be doing is that scissor-walk back inside. Let's jump up and down and see if your bladder can handle all that movement.

ha haahaa. It's the funniest thing, and yes, I didn't wet myself.

I'm at the end battle of twilight princess but I refuse to beat it until we have our surround sound hooked back up and I purchase a sword extension for my wiimote. I was a little disappointed at how easy it was to pass through the Hyrule castle, though there is plenty to explore.
I'm being told there is nothing disappointing about the final boss....

My birthday is at the end of this week, and the middle of this week tuition is due. My school should consider this. Cmon it's my birthday, a tuition waive would be the bestest present.... Honestly I have so little planned.

My little upside down fish has become more active since I changed the tank, but I haven't seen him belly down in months. Poor little guy I wonder what's wrong....

I've been on the good hunt for passionate and artistic music once more.
______
A funny quote here:
"I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me."- Stephen Fry -

don't make me

I got coned into showing for a bridal shower.

I keep a rule of thumb on these happenings, especially with an extended family like mine. I'll go if I think they'll attend any of my frivilous events. I know that this soon to be cousin in law isn't going to attend my wedding, share any of my interests, or simply even be able to appreciate the matter when I choose to marry someone outside of our family's tradition.

Sickly enough, I'm very aware a good handful of my cousins can't produce reasons that are in depth and real when it come to why they chose their partner.


Something goes wrong in my head when I go to these things, very very very wrong. I'm not wired to handle a group of either docile or giddy women all boxed into a tiny room. There's way too much estrogen going around, and it finds a way to grind my nerves. (Oh heres a mixing bowl you always wanted one I'm sure!!! If you didn't it's time to start!!!!)


Thank god I wasn't raised in a polygamous society.

lanterns on the water.

Candles and paper lanterns float on the Motoyasu River Monday at the Peace Memorial Park in Hiroshima, Japan, in memory of the victims of the atomic bomb that killed an estimated 70,000 people 62 years ago. Prayers were offered for a nuclear-free world at Monday's ceremony. Hiroshima Mayor Tadatoshi Akiba is seeking the elimination of nuclear weapons.
-Deseret News


Junko Kimura, Getty Images

Clipping I found

"Emotions, in my experience, aren't covered by single words. I don't believe in "sadness," "joy," or "regret." Maybe the best proof that the language is patriarchal is that it oversimplifies feeling. I'd like to have some disposable complicated hybrid emotions, Germanic traincar constructions like, say, "the happiness that attends disaster." Or: "the disappointment of sleeping with one's fantasy." I'd like to show how "intimations of mortality brought on by aging family members" connects with "the hatred of mirrors that begins in middle age." I'd like to have a word for "the sadness inspired by failing restaurants" as well as the "excitement of getting in a room with a minibar." I've never had the right words to describe my life, and now that I've entered my story, I need them more than ever. I can't just sit back and watch from a distance anymore. From here on in, everything I'll tell you is colored by subjective experience of being part of events. Here's where my story splits, divides, undergoes meiosis. Already the world feels heavier, now that I'm part of it."

-Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides

Grabbed this from the profile of someone's blog, a very interesting one at that.

woo new test

You are an Animated Visionary.

You are a Visionary


Your imagination, self-assuredness, and knowledge of the world combine to make you a VISIONARY.

You have clear notions of how things could be, and the confidence to try to make them that way.

You enjoy having a routine, and prefer comfort and familiarity to risk and adventure.

Not needing others' approval to forge ahead, you are confident in your designs for the future.

Your imagination allows you to envision the world as a better place.

You're better at thinking of the big picture than you are with details, and you can see wonder in abstract things.

Style and appearances are important to you, and you have a good eye for beauty.

You are somewhat rigid in your beliefs, which comes from both confidence and an aversion to change.

You are good at creating works of art in forms with which you're familiar.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

Appreciate the earthly, functional elements of things.

Your clarity of vision sometimes prevents you from being open to new ideas. Try expanding your horizon of experiences, and experimenting with novel ways of doing things.




how you relate to others
You are Animated

You are outgoing, comfortable with others, and up for anything, which makes you ANIMATED.

Some people find crowds and parties exhausting, but not you! You are able to be yourself in many situations.

Sometimes it is hard for you to understand why others feel the way they do, but that doesn't stop you from trusting them or having faith that they are good people.

You know the world is complicated and that there is often more than one side to a story, so you are careful not to make judgments about others too hastily.

You would rather experience the world than sit back and observe it—you are not one to sit on the sidelines.

You are an independent thinker and don't get too worried about how others might perceive you—you are not self-conscious about being the active, engaged person that you are.


Although you have a keen understanding of different people's life circumstances, you occasionally have trouble seeing why people get so upset and emotional about things—they should just lighten up and have fun!

In addition to having faith in the world, you have faith in the people around you—you trust others to do the right thing and to be honest.
If you want to be different:

Remember that time alone can be just as fulfilling as time spent with others—take some time for yourself and you might find that there are many things in your inner world that are just as compelling as the world outside your window.

Your open-mindedness about the ways of world gives you an understanding of people's differences, but that knowledge doesn't always translate into sympathy. Don't be afraid to let your trust and understanding influence your feelings.

**********
Close, but not quite, especially since the advice it gives I already have incorporated into who I am. Wish it were more accurate and helpful in the if you want to be different
section, assuming I took it that serious in the first place.

This test was so interesting because it was not polarized at all, you gave all results on a sliding scale or a graph, minus one page t or f.

Take it at personaldna.com